Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Crazy Grateful

Cyrano wrapped up in Miami a few weeks ago and I remained to enjoy some of the South Florida sun while also learning new music. My husband and I work in the mornings on our various projects and then we enjoy a fun adventure. We are making sure to enjoy ourselves outdoors going for walks, kayaking in the bay, or with yoga. We've had a crazy two years (we've only been married two years!). The life of an opera singer has its ups and downs and at times it the most exhilarating experience and then there are others that make you want to hunker down bury your face and cry. The same can be said for being in the financial or banking world these days, which is the business my husband is in. After a long ten years with a company in Atlanta he was laid off in 2009 during the big kick of the anthill, as I like to call it. He was lucky to find another job fairly quickly and for two years we were in Philadelphia where he worked for a small company. Now, we find ourselves at a junction once again, at least this time with less financial responsibilities, no house tying us down, and now we are free to go where the southerly wind takes us. At least I hope it's southerly enough to take us to Atlanta or further south.
I'm writing this personal information because I've been thinking a lot about trust and acceptance lately. In the music business we never know from year to year what money we will make, how many jobs we will have, whether or not we will get sick and miss a performance, or if the company we hope to work for will go bankrupt. It is a rickety life as a musician and one must learn to live moment to moment trusting in art that it will sustain us as it always has. It is a constant movement of faith and practice of letting go. Trust. Living with fear all around us, thrown in our faces everyday by every way imaginable doesn't leave much room for fear in our jobs and means of stability. The thing is, eventually you come to standing with hands up, face to the sky, and saying, "I have no control over what happens to me" and this realization somehow, somewhere, gives you peace. After all, no job is ever stable and nothing is forever. I don't mean to be so preachy and philosophical. After all, this is a blog about music. However, I find that in our music making we are at our best when we trust, when we surrender. We make the best music when we permit the creative forces to have their way, just go with the flow and allow the music to happen to us and through us. It takes us on wild adventures, moves us to tears, transforms our minds, and connects us to others. Imagine if we could let that flow into every area of our lives?

So, even though we are voyaging into the somewhat uncomfortable realm of the unknown, I am filled with excitement and as my yoga teacher says, "I am crazy grateful." Our next stop along this beautiful life path just might take my breath away.

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